In our society there is an opinion according to which relationships without jealousy are uninteresting and even not real. Relationship of a normal modern couple must include some jealousy within reasonable limits, presented portionwise and with a certain frequency, which will warm up fading feelings between a man and a woman and will add novelty and sharpness to them. Is this true?

Jealousy is considered to be a normal feeling experienced by each person at least once in life. And we all know that the male jealousy and the female one are very different. Why? It's not just the reaction of men and women to possible unfaithfulness, but also the very sources of jealousy. The consequences, as life shows, are also absolutely different because at times this feeling makes people lose their temper and do bad deeds. In such a case it's jealousy which can show the true face of each partner.

But who is more liable to this feeling - men or women? Are the causes of jealousy different for each sex? The editorial staff of our international dating agency Dating Women Ukraine is offering to consider male and female jealousy from the point of view of psychology, to determine the causes and possible consequences.

Female jealousy

Of course, women and men differ not only physiologically, but also psychologically regarding emotionality, a way of learning about the world, behavioral stereotypes and many other things. This also concerns jealousy. Women experience jealousy much more emotionally than men. This is their nature.

The essential difference consists in the fact that a man is afraid of losing so-called power over his partner, while a woman is afraid of losing the love of a man. To become unloved is the biggest fear for a jealous woman. Therefore, whatever they say, female jealousy has always existed, exists and will exist! And there is no woman in the world who has never experienced this feeling. Some women just skillfully disguise it.

Female jealousy is expressed in fear of losing not only men's attention, but also a man himself. She is afraid to be substituted by another woman. A woman will look with suspicion for any sign of unfaithfulness - phone calls, correspondences, the smell of the opponent’s perfume on her man's clothes and much more. In other words, women are jealous of a man specifically for another woman. This is the first difference between male and female jealousy.

The second difference is that female jealousy can live inside and accumulate over the years. In such a case, in general, it's terrible for a woman herself and for her opponent. But for a man, female jealousy isn't so dangerous, since it will cost him several hours or days of aggressive attacks and, perhaps, threats. It's logical that a woman will terrorize her man with attacks and suspicions concerning possible unfaithfulness. However, a woman is unlikely to be capable of more serious actions because of this jealousy.

Women also have a habit of being jealous of the past. Any memories about the past, pictures or things will infuriate a woman. And if a man will also give any importance to these memories, telling how good he felt with another woman from his past, then the woman's rage will exceed the bounds of reason.

Male jealousy

The origin and passing of male jealousy isn't as swift as the female one. Therefore, in this case everything is simpler and clearer. A man is jealous of his woman when she flirts openly with another man, takes signs of attention from others, prefers bright make-up and defiant clothes. The suspicions also begin creeping in when a woman starts buying new clothes, especially the underclothes, changes her hairstyle, starts going to the gym or attending some events without him. In other words, men's brain is warned of jealousy by what he sees. On the whole, female jealousy is dictated by the depth of their imagination and made analysis.

Also male jealousy arises when a woman is interested in anything else more than in a man himself. It can be not only another opponent, but also her work, hobby, interests. In other words, in case of male jealousy, most likely the matter is an increased sense of ownership.

So, how does a man behave? If he suspects his woman of unfaithfulness, he will analyze the situation in every possible way before telling about his guesses. He can become extremely suspicious, obsessed and distrustful. A man will try to find the proofs of unfaithfulness and only then, when he finds them, he will inform his woman. Needless to say that in such a case the consequences of jealousy will be more destructive for the relationships than in the case of female jealousy.

As a rule, a man shows his jealousy openly, violently and very emotionally. He can do anything in a fit of anger. And often, men's anger pours out to a woman herself and less often to the one of whom he was jealous. For a man, understanding the fact that a woman no longer loves him is less traumatic than the information that she had intimacy with another man. An offended jealous man feels wounded, humiliated, his self-esteem suffers from the fact that he is no longer the best.

The causes of jealousy

The main causes of jealousy may be based on the personality traits of one or both partners, the ways of thinking, the features of behavior as well as the previous and past experience of relationships. Let's discuss the main causes of jealousy.

The lack of self-confidence. If there appears a worthy opponent, then there is a feeling of fear of losing a loved one. Different scenarios of jealousy are played and a person starts thinking that he or she is worse in some way than the opponent.

A sense of ownership. Unfortunately, this is the most frequent cause of jealousy. In most cases, in the relationships, one or both partners start treating each other as a property belonging only to him or her.

A distrust. When the degree of trust of a partner is so low that it doesn't allow a person to live and work normally. It seems that he or she loves, and there are no reasons to be jealous, but still there is no trust.

The attention deficiency. When one partner is keen on something else: children, friends, hobby, interesting project, then the other partner has different negative feelings in relation not to the situation, but to the partner. The eternal faultfinding. And all this in order to hint that he or she isn't forgotten.

The need for self-preservation. Losing a partner often causes difficulties of a different nature: material, emotional, interpersonal ones and many other things. Therefore, the fear of losing a partner activates a sense of fear of loneliness.

The constant flirtation. The thoughtless and defiant, conscious or unconscious behavior of one of the spouses.

The mechanism of projection of the own unfaithfulness. The situation when a partner is unfaithful and thinks that his or her own behavior can be acceptable for a partner, and that he or she can behave just like this, in other words, to be unfaithful.

The violent fantasy. The unreasonable anxieties arise because of the long separation by perforce - business trip, delay of a loved one at work or because of shopping.

The sexual dissatisfaction. When a couple does not feels so good together in bed or something has changed, then the suspicion sneaks up, which results in quarrels, abuses, misunderstanding, and at times groundless insults.

Ex-partners. Basically, this is jealousy of the family and children from the previous marriage.

The rumors and slanders because of envy. Usually people, who didn't succeed in their personal life, are envious. It gives them special pleasure to get into somebody else's life and to observe how the relationships of happy people worsen. Usually this is the influence of friends and acquaintances.

How to get rid of jealousy?

The main question is ripe - how to get rid of the feeling of jealousy? The main way to get rid of jealousy is to trust each other. If you do, then there will be no jealousy. Of course, it can arise somewhere at heart, but a sensible approach to the consideration of the situation which caused the jealousy, can help.

The only question is that men, as they are less emotional, can overcome the desire to express immediately their displeasure, but to consider the situation calmly and to make a decision later. Women are inclined to give way to all the emotions immediately and to break off the relationships, without sorting the situation out. Then everyone should remember the basic golden rule for all relationships - treat others as you want them to treat you!

First of all, people need to trust their partners entirely. They need to talk to each other, to tell about their own feelings, thoughts and to find out all the problems. Maybe they just need to start their relationships from scratch. Secondly, people need to try to get rid of the feeling of fear of losing a partner and as a result being alone. The loneliness is not a verdict and even has its advantages. And, thirdly, it's always necessary to fight with the lack of self-confidence. It's the lack of self-confidence that causes hang-ups, and, as is known, all other psychological problems arise because of the hang-ups.

People can and must fight against jealousy. Otherwise, it can destroy not only the relationships with the loved one, but also life as a whole. Only in a trustful and open dialogue with a partner about the own feelings, all doubts can be dispelled. And, of course, everyone must always remember that responsibility for the relationships is carried by both partners! Take care of each other!


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